Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please, let me fuck your mom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
