The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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