I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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