What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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