i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
