...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
