Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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