Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
