Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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