I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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