do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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