Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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