I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
