oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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