It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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