If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
