when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I faked an abortion last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
