My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
