i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
