Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
