i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
