im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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