dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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