You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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