Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
