Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
