she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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