I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
