Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
