Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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