she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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