When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
