Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
