The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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