what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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