the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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