Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
