also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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