If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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