Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
