You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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