After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
