well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
