i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
