im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
