Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
