So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
