Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
