Your dad touched me again.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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