Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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